Friday, April 12, 2013

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.

T.E.C. was having trouble, what a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where, Oh where was she? Where could that woman be?
We looked around and then we found
The woman for you and me.
And now it's..

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Churchland is happy and gay
Don't listen to naysayers who claim
We're headed for the Judgement Day!

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Winter for you and for me.
Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
You'd better hold onto your money....

I was born in Pensacola, and that is why I'm on a roll-ah.
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join our inclusive party.

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Lockstep's the new step today
Title IV charges from her office again
815 is on the rise again

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Entire Dioceses are sailing away...

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Means those pesky conservatives are going
They've got to be going
You know they'll be going today!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I Want a God Who Cain't Say No

It ain't so much a question of prayin' what to do

I knowed what's right an' wrong since I've been ten
I've heard a lot of stories and I reckon they're true
About how gods are put upon by men
I know I musn't fall into the pit
But when I'm into sinnin',
I ferget!

I want a God who cain't say no
I'm in a terrible fix
I always say 'come on, let's go'
But your God just wants to say 'nix'

When a priest goes to bless a sin
that he was taught he oughta smack,
He needs to turn my God on
Who is sure to bless him back!

My God's cool when candles are low
He cain't be prissy an' quaint
He ain't goin to tell me to go slow
How can I be what I ain't
He cain't say no

Watcha gonna do when temptation comes a knockin
And yer heart goes to flip floppin,
Whatcha gonna do?
Supposin you obey
The urges that are a risin'
Or wants or desirins'
Whatcha gonna do?

Supposin the heart says
To eat ice cream
Or else yer gonna scream an' die
Whatcha gonna do when it talks that way?
Tell it yer goin' to eat pie?

I want a God who cain't say no
Cain't seem to say it at all
He hates to disserpoint us all.
When we is prayin' for a ball!

Fer a while I act refined and cool
A settin on the velveteen setee
Then I think of breakin' some rule
An' remember that my God lets me!

I cain't resist a drink or two
an' I ain't talking 'bout tea.
Soon as I start lickin' my lips
I pray for God to guide me
He cain't say no!

I want a God who cain't say no.
Guilt-free's my favorite food
With or without the carbs you know
I'm in a gluttonous mood!

Other Gods are hard to catch
But with them you ain't havin' much fun
Every time I have mine in a wrastlin' match
I git a funny feeling that I won

Since I cain't feel the undertoe
I never have a complaint
It's never time for restraint
'Cause when you know that I cain't
He cain't say no!

Apologies to Oscar Hammerstein II