Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.

T.E.C. was having trouble, what a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore its former glory
Where, Oh where was she? Where could that woman be?
We looked around and then we found
The woman for you and me.
And now it's..

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Churchland is happy and gay
Don't listen to naysayers who claim
We're headed for the Judgement Day!

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Winter for you and for me.
Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
You'd better hold onto your money....

I was born in Pensacola, and that is why I'm on a roll-ah.
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join our inclusive party.

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Lockstep's the new step today
Title IV charges from her office again
815 is on the rise again

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Entire Dioceses are sailing away...

Springtime for Schori and T.E.C.
Means those pesky conservatives are going
They've got to be going
You know they'll be going today!

I Want a God Who Cain't Say No

It ain't so much a question of prayin' what to do

I knowed what's right an' wrong since I've been ten
I've heard a lot of stories and I reckon they're true
About how gods are put upon by men
I know I musn't fall into the pit
But when I'm into sinnin',
I ferget!

I want a God who cain't say no
I'm in a terrible fix
I always say 'come on, let's go'
But your God just wants to say 'nix'

When a priest goes to bless a sin
that he was taught he oughta smack,
He needs to turn my God on
Who is sure to bless him back!

My God's cool when candles are low
He cain't be prissy an' quaint
He ain't goin to tell me to go slow
How can I be what I ain't
He cain't say no

Watcha gonna do when temptation comes a knockin
And yer heart goes to flip floppin,
Whatcha gonna do?
Supposin you obey
The urges that are a risin'
Or wants or desirins'
Whatcha gonna do?

Supposin the heart says
To eat ice cream
Or else yer gonna scream an' die
Whatcha gonna do when it talks that way?
Tell it yer goin' to eat pie?

I want a God who cain't say no
Cain't seem to say it at all
He hates to disserpoint us all.
When we is prayin' for a ball!

Fer a while I act refined and cool
A settin on the velveteen setee
Then I think of breakin' some rule
An' remember that my God lets me!

I cain't resist a drink or two
an' I ain't talking 'bout tea.
Soon as I start lickin' my lips
I pray for God to guide me
He cain't say no!

I want a God who cain't say no.
Guilt-free's my favorite food
With or without the carbs you know
I'm in a gluttonous mood!

Other Gods are hard to catch
But with them you ain't havin' much fun
Every time I have mine in a wrastlin' match
I git a funny feeling that I won

Since I cain't feel the undertoe
I never have a complaint
It's never time for restraint
'Cause when you know that I cain't
He cain't say no!


Apologies to Oscar Hammerstein II
***************************************************

The P.B.'s a Pretty Nice Girl

The P.B.'s a pretty nice girl,
but she doesn't have a lot to say
The P.B.'s a pretty nice girl
but she changes from day to day

I want to tell her that I love her a lot
But I gotta get a belly full of wine (first)
The P.B.'s a pretty nice girl
Someday I'm going to make her mine, oh yeah,
Someday I'm going to make her mine

Apologies to The Beatles and "Her Majesty."

DSC to 815: Mean Mistreater

Mean mistreater, you make me cry,
You litigate around, and sue me dry.
Mean mistreater, can't you see DSC is real?
Are you satisfied, with the souls you steal?


I've tried hard to live without you, in so many ways.
I just can't help myself from thinking of you, for the rest of my days.
Lawyers at my door step, won't leave me alone.
You just can't get used to it, now that I'm on my own.


I know all about you, your odd miter too,
Your words and deeds, your Bishop zoo.
Mean mistreater, if you needed me,
I'm needin' you to set me free.


Apologies to Grand Funk Railroad.

+KJS' Dream

I dreamt I met a Carolinian
A most amazing man
He had that look
You very rarely find
That calm and peaceful kind

I gave him sixty days
To say what had happened
How it all began
I asked again
He never said a word
As if he hadn't heard

And next the room was full
Of wild and angry bishops
They seemed to hate this man
They fell on him and then disappeared

Then I saw thousands of millions
Crying for this man
And then I heard them mentioning my name
And leaving me the blame




Apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber (Jesus Christ Superstar)

If I were a candidate ...

If I were a candidate
And you were undecided
Would you vote for me anyway
Could I kiss your... baby


If I was a stinker
Would you mind helping me
To get the post I seek
With you standing behind me

Say you'll vote for promises
Say you'll vote for appearances
I've given you my best one liners
Can't you give me your vote on Tuesday

If I wave my hands in the air
Would you still vote for me
Answer me babe, "Yes I would
I'll put you above me"

If I were the chief lawmaker
Working on the budget
Would you put your trust in me
With my hand in your wallet

If I were a candidate
And you were undecided
Would you vote for me anyway
Could I kiss your... baby

Would you vote for me anyway
Could I kiss your... baby


Apologies to James Timothy "Tim" Hardin (December 23, 1941 – December 29, 1980)

On The Good Ship T.E.C.

Okay, I have come up with another possible song for use by the Episcopal organization. This one can be ued at their next General Convention in 2015.

I've thrown away your laws
Your doctrines and creeds.
I wanna make some noise
With brand new liturgies.

Some day I'm going to write.
A new Prayer Book too.
And when I do,
how would you
like to walk with me and Louie Crew...

On the good ship T.E.C.
Its about relationship between you and me.
Where Bishops play
With the theology of the day.

Kool-aid stands everywhere,
Giant puppets of doom fill the air.
And there you were
Heading right for the iceberg.

See the House of Deputies
do the tootsie roll
This kind of thing's gonna take its toll.
When you take the Devil's hand,
You'll awake in the frying pan.

On the good ship T.E.C.
Its a bad trip into heresy
So dream away
On the good ship T.E.C.

Shamelessly inspired by,

"The Good Ship Lollipop"

music by R. Whiting and words by S. Clare

I've thrown away my toys
Even my drum and train.
I wanna make some noise
With real live aeroplanes.
Some day I'm going to fly.
I'll be a pilot too.
And when I do, how would you
Like to be my crew...

On the good ship lollipop.
Its a sweet trip to a candy shop
Where bon-bons play
On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.

Lemonade stands everywhere.
Crackerjack bands fill the air.
And there you are
Happy landing on a chocolate bar.

See the sugar bowl do the tootsie roll
With the big bad devils food cake.
If you eat too much ooh ooh
You'll awake with a tummy ache.

On the good ship lollipop
Its a night trip into bed you hop
And dream away
On the good ship lollipop.