I'm Glad I'm Not Episcopalian Anymore

For my friend the Undergroundpewster,

The other night I was relaxing and watching that old musical, "Gigi" when Maurice Chevalier's rendition of "I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore" made me think about my younger days as an Episcopalian. Something about the lyrics called for a parody.


I'M GLAD I'M NOT YOUNG ANYMORE
From "Gigi" (1958)
(Lyrics : Alan Jay Lerner / Music : Frederick Loewe)

Here goes nuthin!


Poor boy! Poor boy!
Down-hearted and depressed and in a spin
Poor boy! Poor boy!
Oh, the Episcopal Church can really do a fellow in!

How lovely to sit here in the shade
With none of the woes of clergy or lay
I'm glad I'm not Episcopalian anymore

The rivalries that don't exist at all
The feelings you're about to fall
I'm glad that I'm not Episcopalian anymore

No more confusion
No Sunday sermon surprise
No self-delusion
When you're hearing those lies
That the Bible isn't wise

Praying the tithers come through the door
The denomination needs forevermore
Forevermore is shorter than before
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not Episcopalian anymore

The tiny revisions that torture you
The fear that your Lord won't like them too
I'm glad I'm not Episcopalian anymore

The longing to end the stale affair
Until you find out TEC doesn't care
I'm glad that I'm not Episcopalian anymore

No more frustration
No church shopper am I
No aggravation
Just one reluctant reply
"TEC, goodbye!"

The Labyrinth has lost its paint
Cranmer is still my patron saint
I've never been so comfortable before
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not Episcopalian anymore