The Present Paradigm of a Perfect Presiding Priestess

As the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church has been very much in the news recently because of accusations of errors in her resume and changes in her Wikipages, I had to put the finishing touches on this little ditty this week and post it for the pleasure of the passengers and crew of the SS TEC.

With apologies to G+S.

I am the present paradigm of a perfect Presiding Priestess,
My training was short, suspect, and dubious,
I know the AoC in England, and I quote the fights historical
From Bithynia to Niceae, in order categorical;

Breathe

I'm very well acquainted, too, with all aquatic elements,
I understand oceans, the Atlantics and Pacifics,
About bivalvian habits I'm teeming with statistics,
With many cheerful smiles though I'm unsure of specifics.

Breathe

I'm very good revising Numbers and verses from Leviticus;
I know the canon laws for clergy gone schismaticus:
In short, in matters aquatical, heretical, litiginous,
I am the present paradigm of a perfect Presiding Priestess.

Breathe

I know our mythic history, of gardens, arks and Noah's sons;
I've heard of Paul, but I'd rather study Bishop Robinson,
I read in Ecclesiasticus of the son of Onias,
In canons I can read peculiarities parabolous;

Breathe

I know the croaking chorus from the House of Bishops listserv,
And I can hum a fugue for you if your ear has the nerve,
I can separate the Spong from the Borg and the Crossan,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense GAFCON.

Breathe

I can write a pleasant note in unintelligible Episcospeak,
While telling you the details of bovine emmisions that'll really reek:
In short, in matters aquatical, heretical, litiginous,
I am the present paradigm of a perfect Presiding Priestess.

Breathe

When I explain away what is meant by "pornea" and its penalties,
When I can tell at sight a homophobe and a Pharisee,
When I can smell the departure of a parish or a diocese,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "Androgynes",

Breathe

When I have learnt what progress has been made in sexuality,
I quote the sexual alphabet better than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, since I'm on tops in sexual Theology,
You'll wonder when the Presiding Priestess will ever sit upon the See.

Gasp!

For my theologic knowledge, though I speak it quite authentically,
Has only been spoken since the beginning of the century;
But still, of things aquatical, heretical, litiginous,
I am the present paradigm of a perfect Presiding Priestess!

(I was reluctant to add the breath marks because I know that someone out there can sing it all in one breath, and I just can't wait to see the YouTube clip of them doing it.)