Thursday, September 5, 2013

I am the U.T.O. (United Thank Offering) Man, I am the Walrus

This past week signals were flashed from Fr. Tim Fountain at StandFirm in Faith that the United Thank Offering (U.T.O.) board at the Episcopal Church had abandoned ship en-masse as the U.T.O. was assimilated by the Chief Operating Officer (C.O.O.) of the Church, Bishop Stacy Sauls who is quoted as saying, 
“We, DFMS (The Episcopal Church, also known as DFMS the Domestic and Foreign Missionary Society), are the United Thank Offering and the United Thank Offering is DFMS.” 
I couldn't help it, but every time the S.S. TEC steers itself into another iceberg I feel a song coming on...

I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they split like dogs on a spit see how they fry
I'm smiling.
Sitting on a nest egg, waiting for the bucks to flow
Trad-i-piskie collars, stupid bloody Fountains
Man you been a naughty boy. You let your Facebook know
I am the UTO-man, they were the UTO-women
I am the walrus, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop
Rainbow stoled clergy, pretty little clergy all in a row
See how they whine like players on the pine, see how they whine
I'm smiling, I'm smiling
I'm smiling, I'm smiling
Legacy income dripping from dead pewsitters' eyes
Man turned Bishwife, porn peddling Priestess
Boys you became naughty girls, you let your Saviour down
I am the UTO-man, they were the UTO-women
I am the walrus, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop  
Sitting in an Episcopal labyrinth waiting for the funds
If the funds don't come You'll get sued for standing against her righteous reign 
I am the UTO-man, they were the UTO-women I am the walrus, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop 
Can-on-text-pert-chok-ing-coll-ars
Don't you think the P.B. laughs at you? (Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha!)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snied
I'm smiling
Sexual innovations climbing from the HoD
Left coast Bishops singing Hare Krishna, man you should have seen them kicking Mark Joseph Lawrence's town
I am the UTO-man, they were the UTO-women I am the walrus, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop, C.O.O., C.O.O., C.O.O.-scoop C.O.O. Cooooooooooo scoopa scoopa scoopa scoopa scoopa scoopa scoopa scoopa

2 comments:

Timothy Fountain said...

That Fountain guy ain't no dang good.

Wallace H. Hartley said...

He's a blog-lubber if ever I met one. He should have stayed on his own dry blog instead of venturing forth into the vast ocean of the cyberworld, but instead he is everywhere: StandFirm, Facebook, Twitter, etc.