Anything Goes!

Time for another re-write...

Times have changed,
And we've often rewound the clock,
Since the Puritans got a shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today,
Any shock they should try to stem,
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

In olden days a hint of sin
Was looked on as something that would do you in,
But now, God knows,
Anything Goes.

Good preachers too who once knew better words,
Now are free to use use four letter words
Preaching prose, Anything Goes.

The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
When most guys today
That women prize today
Are not guys at all
And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'd better take care to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes

When grandma whose age is eighty
Hangs out in clubs getting matey with ladies,
Anything Goes.

When mothers pack and leave their men
Because they decide they'd rather be lesbians,
Anything Goes.

If driving high you like,
If gay bars you like,
If old hims you like,
If bare feet you like,
If Miley Cyrus you like
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose!
When every night,
The set that's neat
Is dressing like a nudist party in heat,
Anything Goes.

If same-sex marriage you like,
If gender neutrality you like
If old queens you like,
If teenage trannies you like,
If love affairs you like
With young bears you like,
Why nobody will oppose!

And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'd better take care to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes

Revision!

One of the casualties of the secular and religious war on human sexuality will undoubtedly be all of those old films and songs that speak exclusively to heterosexual romance  and relationships.

I am afraid that "Fiddler on the Roof" will be corrected in the following manner (note that I had to create some neologisms here and there).

Revision, revision! Revision!
Revision, revision! Revision!

[The Pama and Mapa]
Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,
Feed a wife and children, say the daily prayers?
And who has the right, as sharer of the house,
To have the final word at home?

The Pama, the Mapa! Revision!
The Pama, the Mapa! Revision!

Who must know the way to make a proper home,
A quiet home, a kosher home?
Who must raise the family and run the home,
So Pama's free to run around?

The Pama, the Mapa! Revision!
The Pama, the Mapa! Revision!

[The Gender Undecided]
At three, I started public school. At ten, I learned I had a choice.
Someday I'll pick a partner for me. I hope it's pretty.

The dautson, the dautson! Revision!
The dautson, the dautson! Revision!

[The Trans]
And who does Mapa teach to mend and tend and fix,
Preparing me to marry whoever Pama picks?

The trans, the trans! Revision!
The trans, the trans! Revision!